What screams I'm open-minded

Open-minded, friendly toddlers: a matter of upbringing?

  • First of all: I don't have any children myself, so I know about them accordingly

    Can therefore only reproduce my observations and I hope that you can contribute something to my topic.

    In my circle of relatives and friends I currently know 4 (small) children (2-9 years) and I noticed that their behavior is very different. Sure - every child is different, but I am concerned with the extent to which behavior is innate or instilled. Is it mainly a matter of upbringing? The surrounding? The genes?

    With these o. G. 4 Children is one of the things that has influenced me positively with regard to children.

    How should I describe her (2 years old)? She is open, very nice, takes you in her arms even though she only sees my family and me 1-3 times a month, she wants to be taken by the hand, gives kisses , sits on my legs, etc.

    She is like that to many people, not just me.

    And that's why I'm concerned with the question: How do I have a child like that ???

    (if I didn't know her, I think I wouldn't want to have children)

    I can say the following about the surrounding situation / mother:

    The little one goes to see grandma once a week, since she was a baby. Mom was with her in the pekip and in the music garden. She has been going to daycare since she was two years old.

    The parents often take them to birthdays, celebrations, etc., but they also like to go out on their own. The family has a small family dog ​​and is very fond of animals. If another person is playing with the little one, they don't mind d. H. they don't sit around constantly checking that everything is being done correctly.

    So far I don't know a toddler who is so open. Of course I don't know how it will develop, but if it stays that way it looks pretty promising

    Two of the four children are rather reserved. They don't like animals, are scared of them, don't like to talk to you, don't make much eye contact, etc.

    The mother is also rather fearful and literally guards the children, but still goes with them to the toddler group.

    So does education really matter? How do baby swimming, PEKIP, music garden affect toddlers? What kind of experiences did you have?

  • 52 answers
  • Is it mainly a matter of upbringing? The surrounding? The genes?

    Yes, these should be the three factors

    You cannot influence the genetic predisposition of whether a child is extroverted or introverted. This determines, so to speak, the framework within which the child can develop.

    But when a child is shown that everything around them is dangerous, they will take this precaution. If, on the other hand, parents do the shrillest things as a matter of course, their children will find many things normal where other people's hair stands on end. We were z. E.g. in Berlin eating sushi in the evening from 8 to 11 with a three-year-old, and it was absolutely relaxed.

  • I'm afraid with the behavior here

    She is open, very nice, takes you in her arms even though she only sees my family and me 1-3 times a month, she wants to be taken by the hand, gives kisses, sits on my legs, etc.

    She is like that to many people, not just me.

    the little one doesn't get far. This behavior shows a lack of attachment to the mother; strangers at that age would be much more normal. I guess the parents will have big problems with the little one sooner or later.

  • As the saying goes? Children set the pace, parents can only try to influence them positively.

  • Hello Toffifee,

    I have three children and all three are completely different.

    What it depends on, well, nobody really knows. My feeling is that children come into the world as different people, and differences are noticeable even during pregnancy.

    I would be careful to evaluate children and to form a certain picture beforehand of how the child should be.

    What is the poor child supposed to do when it's completely different? Just like the gender, you cannot order the innate temperament or certain talents or interests in advance, you simply get what you get, and that's it.

    LG

    Susanne

  • This behavior shows a lack of attachment to the mother; strangers at that age would be much more normal. I guess the parents will have big problems with the little one sooner or later.

    What makes you think that? I would say that she is a mommy child.

    What is the poor child supposed to do when it's completely different?

    I do think that some things can be influenced. If you are around a lot, it is probably greater that the child reacts openly than if you just sit at home and don't see anything else.

  • So my little one is also open to others / strangers when I'm there ... are somewhere, at the doctor's waiting room or something, she looks at other people too, and maybe goes over there and stands in front of her, but she doesn't touch or give a kiss, she always looks at me to see if it's ok ... ..She is also very nice, does not cry, does not nag, or screams ... even if I say she should come to me, or whether she should give or fetch this or that, or reproduce, she does all of this. On the other hand, she has a little friend who is completely different, she is quick-minded, makes herself stiff, wants to take away toys, even bites sometimes ... I think that has a lot to do with upbringing / consistency The children are more stubborn, in my experience, simply because the children also feel when they get further with bucking than when they are loved, they get the hang of it very quickly. But not every bucking means that the child is treated inconsistently, sometimes If the child is missing something ... love, sufficient affection (see the Ki Often different from the parents, they mostly need more of it than the parents think).

  • This behavior shows a lack of attachment to the mother; strangers at that age would be much more normal. I guess the parents will have big problems with the little one sooner or later.

    Why are you so sure about that, have you ever experienced that? And what did the parents do "wrong" that the little one is so open?

  • I do not think that the children are all the more open-minded because the parents are on the road a lot, because especially with these children, I notice time and again that they often react rather stubbornly to their parents .... I think it has something to do with that that they are raised a lot by others ... because many parents automatically give up the scepter a little, if other adults are with them, I personally don't think that's right, but that's another topic.

    Because as the little one mentioned earlier, whose mother does a lot with her, there is also a lot in mother-child groups or playing with friends, I often see that the others are actually taking care of her all the time, and if so, then If the mother wants to deal with her herself, or wants to touch her, she reacts very irritably and doesn't hear either, it may have something to do with the fact that the children don't have a right line, but rather someone says something and ma the....??? I expressed myself again completely stupid, I hope it is understood what I mean by that

  • Why are you so sure about that, have you ever experienced that? And what did the parents do "wrong" that the little one is so open?

    I think the parents didn't do something wrong directly, but that just happens when the children, for example, are all day in the day care center, or a lot elsewhere and only a little with the mother / father. Then this is normal for the children ... and therefore also so open to strangers / strangers, and I also think that these parents will have problems later because there is simply a lack of healthy mistrust.

  • This behavior shows a lack of attachment to the mother; strangers at that age would be much more normal. I guess the parents will have big problems with the little one sooner or later.

    Why would a stranger be more normal? ? Children are strangers (e.g.) not only because, according to the parenting guide xy, it is there. Maybe the phase is already over ... or it is still to come ...

    But back to the incoming mail:

    My daughter behaves 95% as you describe the little one and I would say that in our case it is very much the upbringing.

    I myself grew up or was brought up very differently than I am bringing up my daughter now.

    I am introverted, I don't like to do anything with strangers and I am not particularly self-confident in real life either.

    When I look at my little daughter, I sometimes think that I could be if my parents had treated me differently.

    Since she was born, she has been used to being in the arms of someone who is strange to her. I encouraged her for a while to kiss her grandma, grandpa, aunt (i.e. family) if she wanted to.

    It is very important to me that she say "please" and "thank you". I'll do that when you're born. (My child can also expect respect from me).

    I didn't go pekip or children's swimming with her. Since she was 4 months old, she has been going to childcare regularly while I am doing sports.

    With me she has a lot of freedom (please do not confuse it with inconsistency). If she wants, she can of course first try to climb the slide on her own.

    ... and yet she's somehow also "mom child". She often comes and kisses me or gives me a very tight hug, only to go back to play the next moment.

    Or she calls out to me and not to Papa when she wants to be comforted.

  • Mom was with her in the pekip and in the music garden.

    I don't want it as the Reason, but since I myself led early music education for 6 years (very similar to the "music garden"), I can say from my experience that I have had amazing success with music education with preschool children. Music is more than just sounds and movement. In the 1990s there was a long-term study on the influence of early music education on the congenital, motor and social development of children, namely when the child and his environment are actively making music. In the project, some phenomenal social changes were found in preschool and elementary school children - it has been proven since then: Music makes you intelligent, open-minded and social! I've had exactly the same experience.

    Does the girl in question play a lot of music at home? Is it possibly playing an instrument? Is it singing? That would be interesting for me ...

  • @ gina girelli

    that just happens when the children e.g. are in the crib all day,

    so mine was just as open when she was 2 years old, and she wasn't in kindergarten back then.

    that would be with everyone.

    sometimes i really hit my hands over the head because i also think that too much openness is not so great.

    but it happened all by itself. the older she got, the more shy she was of strangers.

    my daughter is almost 4 today and she would never dream of going out with anyone else.

    she doesn't even take balloons or lollies from strangers without asking me or hiding behind my legs.

  • Thanks for all the answers

    First of all: Of course, she doesn't kiss everyone, only those she likes.

    She observes people and when she has gained trust or sees that mom is talking to the person, she also trusts and approaches him openly.

    she looks at other people too, and probably goes there and stands in front of her

    Yes, exactly and I think that's so cute when little children watch other people and are attentive.

    Why would a stranger be more normal? Children are strangers (e.g.) not only because, according to the parenting guide xy, it says so. Maybe the phase is already over ... or it is still to come ...

    According to the Wiki, children are strangers between the ages of 4 and 8 months.

    Since she was born, she has been used to being in the arms of someone who is strange to her. I encouraged her for a while to kiss her grandma, grandpa, aunt (i.e. family) if she wanted to.

    Yes, that's exactly how it works for her.

    It is very important to me that she say "please" and "thank you".

    She was asked to do so. Now she's doing it all by herself, even if you just open a piece of candy for her.

    Does the girl in question make a lot of music at home?

    Yes very much. The mother is a kindergarten teacher herself and therefore knows an incredible number of children's songs that are sung at home. Then they move in and dance.

  • Does the girl in question make a lot of music at home?

    Yes very much. The mother is a kindergarten teacher herself and therefore knows an incredible number of children's songs that are sung at home. Then they move in and dance.

    Thanks Toffifee, that confirms my opinion! It is a pity that despite these wonderful study results, the proportion of music education in kindergartens and especially in elementary schools has hardly been expanded ... so many children lose such potential.