Know how to forgive your abusive cruel husband
5 ways to beat bad luck
Bad things happen to good people. Accidents, hurricanes, cancer, breakups, divorce, unemployment ... the list goes on. You have to deal with what has come your way and it often doesn't seem right.
question: Can you find joy even when things look bad?
problem: Since you were young, parents and teachers have taught you a worldview. In general, this worldview was a mixture of religion and family philosophy. If you are like most of us, you have been instilled with the idea that if you are good you will be rewarded. and if you are bad you will be punished.
But things don't always seem to act in accordance with these rules. We see that good things happen to good people and bad things happen to good people. As we get older, we see that the world can be a cruel place. We discover that the things we have been taught are not necessarily true. So what do we do
How do you take joy when you are hurt or disappointed?
An important answer is forgiveness.
We can learn to forgive when bad things happen. This does not mean that we should greet evil, but when unfortunate things come our way, we must learn to forgive - to forgive that evil can be brought to life out of nowhere. And we have to learn to forgive the people who taught us that When we do good things will always be good.
When you open your heart and mind to forgiving both your teachers and life itself (composed of G-d, Mother Nature, our fellow man), you are giving yourself the most precious gift. You open yourself to the joy of life by relativizing your bitterness. It's a blessing.
We just got through a national challenge - Superstorm Sandy. Despite the tragedy, death, desolation, confusion and chaos, we can choose to forgive what happened. How can our God allow nature to do so?
Life can just be unfair.
We can and we must mourn the losses. You may need to forgive your idea of God. Or you may have to forgive a childhood that didn't teach you that bad things actually happen to good people.
You may have to be outraged that your neighbor didn't cut a tree that would affect your property - and she may have to pay - but you're still insane. And if you're politically inclined, you may be angry at local officials for allowing buildings to be built without thinking that such a disaster could ever happen. Some people have benefited from not protecting us the way they should have. Forgive and accept people's greed and thoughtlessness; It is everywhere.
Then protect yourself in the future.
If you have been really hurt by Sandy, forgiveness takes a period of grief. Don't be surprised if you have emotions from denial to anger to depression to acceptance. Feeling the victim's pain may be easier, and I am not blaming you. But think of a grief project and the power of forgiveness.
When you have lost a loved one or your home; I am speechless in the face of such a tragedy. The grief will take time, but it is still the best hope for a better future.
But for most of us, Sandy’s lesson is about perspective and forgiveness. Once you realize what really matters, you can choose to forgive rather than cling to less important things.
Here are 5 ways to regain happiness in the face of adversity.
1. Sense of personal mission
Your life matters. It is a blessing that you are here. So what's your mission Are you part of the problem or part of the solution? Give something to your friends, help yourself grow, and find a way to give a helping hand. Do you let more love happen in this cold world? By being aware of who you are and having direction in your life, you can be a force for good.
It is joy to live your life the way it should be lived.
2. Stay healthy - mentally, spiritually and physically
Are you taking good care of yourself Middle 1st great sage, Hillel, was credited with saying; "If I am not to myself, who will be to me? If I am only to myself, what am I? If not now, when?" Allowing others to take advantage of you is not loving. It is a pleasure to know that you are protecting yourself and taking care of your health proactively.
We cannot help others if we really neglect each other.
3. Embrace the good
Yes, you have been hurt; maybe bad. There is no good answer to suffering in this world. It is the human condition and some suffer much more than others. Just note that being a victim is one thing. Becoming a victim of your victim is a very different matter altogether. You are still a person with dignity. Grab what's always good around you. Embrace it. A neighbor who cares; A brother who comes through, a beautiful day that warms your heart. There is joy out there, even if you have to dig deep.
I often tell my patients, grab the good because the bad is sure to find you.
4. Accept things
You have to learn to accept. This does not mean denying or forgetting that bad things are happening or that others have wronged you. You need to make peace with the evil in your life. To forgive does not mean to forget. Acceptance means protecting yourself and letting go of the victim's position that can poison your life. Don't let an abusive ex-husband hurt you. Get the Protection You Need. Vote against a government or community that has let you down. Distance yourself from people who let you down when you need them most. But let go of toxic anger that will only make you sick.
It is a sweet joy to be freed from hatred.
5. The art of forgiveness
Sometimes you have to grieve a lot to forgive. You go through steps; Denial, negotiation, anger, depression and then acceptance. You forgive in order to live a fresh and realistic life. When you have learned to forgive the people and events that happened, set yourself free by opening yourself to the goodness of the world. Whether it was Sandy, a divorce, a daughter in trouble, or a serious illness, it is necessary to mourn the unfair nature of the universe and to come out of the universe with dignity intact.
Pain can lead to wisdom, and that is a meaningful kind of joy.
“If you forgive you are not changing the past in any way, but you are certainly changing the future” - Bernard Meltzer
Life is not easy for either of us. Deal with the evil and accept that it is not fair. Learn your lessons and make the changes you need.
But don't forget to take advantage of the joy.
For more from Dr. Banschick:
The intelligent divorce - Take Care of Your Children (Kindle)
The intelligent divorce - Take care of your children (Amazon)
The intelligent divorce - Take care of yourself (Kindle)
The intelligent divorce- Take care of yourself (Amazon)
Course - Still Raising Healthy Children Divorce:Log In
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