Why do people say you don't live up to expectations

A life without expectations

Last update: December 11, 2016

Expectations do not make us live freely. They don't make us accept the way things are going. Because we believe that if we hope for something specific - whether it is confirmation, perfection or material things - it must definitely happen. But the truth is that what has to happen will happen whether we like it or not.

People often try to assume a divine role. We mistakenly think of what we, others and life in general are "supposed" to do. We say things like: "I should do my job well because if not, it means I'm worthless.""My boss should treat me well and not yell at me." - "Things should always go smoothly for me without having to try too hard." Who do we think we are? A judge? A God? And who can rightly say what should or should not happen?

If we live our lives waiting for everything to turn out as we expect, for things to work out as we want them, or for others to treat us as we see fit, then we are really the slaves our expectations.

Living with expectations makes us weak emotionally because we wait for things to happen the way we'd like them to happen. And of course that won't always be the case. In fact, most of the time, life doesn't go exactly as we expected or planned.

If we don't get into the habit of letting go of expectations and embracing life, whatever comes, we risk suffering a great deal. Or we become depressed or afflicted with anxiety.

How can I free myself from expectations?

The key is to recognize which things you have control over and which you don't:I cannot control other people's thoughts or attitudes. And neither are the circumstances of the world and of life itself. But I can control how I deal with it, how I think and feel about it.

If we try to control the uncontrollable we will end up frustrated because it will never happen the way we want it to. The only thing we can do is do things as well as we can and behave as best we can. But that doesn't mean that we'll be rewarded for it. It doesn't mean that everything is going according to plan and expectations. Let's let go of this absurd idea and start accepting reality.

For example, imagine that one day someone tells you: “The sky should be the color of green apples. Just because I like this color so much, and I hope that one day it will be that color. " What would you think? You would think that this person has mental health problems, that they have an absurd wish that will never come true because it is simply impossible. And no matter how much you like something, that doesn't mean that it will happen.

In the same sense, if we accumulate expectations, then we demand that the respective circumstances develop in such a way that things also happen that way. But that is not necessarily the case.

You are not a god

When you find that you are living with expectations in your head and that your internal dialogue contains a “should”, then remember that you are not a god who can influence the course of events. You are just a person like everyone else who just does your best, but that doesn't mean that you are always fine or that life will treat you fairly.

You can also ask yourself this question: Who said everything would be fine for me?Where is it written that everyone should treat me as I deserve? Can I in any way influence the actions of others? Is there any good thing in believing that the world is being forced to meet my expectations?

When you know the realistic and reasonable answers to these questions and your inner dialogue of “should” to "I would like that, but it may not be so, and I am not dependent on it either," or "I am not expecting a present for my birthday, even if it would be fantastic if I had one." change, you will find that you will be much stronger and freer.

Perhaps you have already said goodbye to irrational expectations, rigidity and dullness and you are beginning to accept what the universe has in store for you. Sometimes you'll like it and sometimes you won't. But that's exactly how life is.

If everything was always perfect and exactly the way you like it, then there would be no point in living. There is no joy without sadness. Fulfillment does not exist without disappointment. And there is no success without failure. In order to feel that tickle that arises when you reach for an expectation and it is fulfilled, you also have to experience and endure frustration.

Start letting go today! Write down all of your expectations for yourself, for others, and for the world. Start taking them off now. You would like them to come true, but they don't necessarily have to. And whatever happens, you will have to accept and tolerate it. Try a more mature and stronger inner dialogue and in the end you will be the winner.