Should we stop calling children shy
I had already written before that I am not a fan of excessive support offers for children. Because I am firmly convinced that children learn best through free play. Which has also been proven by several studies. Children should have the chance to be children as long as possible. They are so inquisitive, they learn so quickly - and do not need sophisticated exotic courses. Above all, children need time. Free time. Time for yourself. Time to play. And enough time to make your own experiences. Without our urging them, that we want to accelerate them. Give the children the time they need! Let them have their own experiences - at their own pace. Because every child is good the way it is. And even if we parents sometimes get impatient: In most cases the developmental steps come naturally. We just need patience.
I will never forget how a father, when my big boy was one year old, ran around the playground all afternoon with his son, who was also one year old. The little one couldn't walk alone yet. So the father held his son by the arms and ran around with him. For two hours, for three hours, maybe longer, then we went home. The little one should learn to walk. And the father thought he'd train it with his son. It wasn't the only afternoon he did this "training session". The son's husband preferred to crawl. He learned to walk alone at the age of 18 months, as my parents tell me later. A point in time that is still quite normal and no cause for concern. But since all the other children in the vicinity could run earlier, the parents thought that with this "training" to accelerate development.
I think the son would have learned to walk with or without "running training" at the age of 18 months. As science confirms: The point in time at which children learn to walk alone can actually only be changed very slightly by our parents' involvement. A point in time is simply provided individually in the children's “development program”.
As with so many things, we parents have little control over when that time is.
Every child has their own pace
And yet parents are constantly trying to accelerate their children's individual developmental progress. We send our babies to English classes so as not to miss a time window. Well, I don't, but many others do. That's just one example of more and more, more and more absurd baby courses. But it is not only through these courses that parents try to optimize their child's development. It is also our behavior.
And here I am quite self-critical ... I also thought I had to "accelerate" our big ones in becoming independent. Because he had a phase in which he was very shy. And didn't like going to other children. Didn't stay alone in making children's music, although all other children at that age had long since stayed there alone. I had to stay on the sofa in the room. And he didn't want to be alone at children's birthdays. I thought I could force it. All the other kids stayed alone at the parties - only my son didn't want me to go. Yeah, it bugged me. Yes, I wish my son would just say "see you later mom" too. Yes, I wondered if I had done anything wrong. I talked to him well - it didn't help. So I just stayed at the birthday parties, sometimes felt a little superfluous, but I noticed my son needs security. Until one day, without any urging, he said to me "see you later, mom" and sent me home at the door.
Because he was just ready.
Because the time was right.
It showed me that we have to give our children the time they need. Some children need more time to go on a birthday alone, others less. And it's good the way it is. Because every child is different.
I have trusted my son ever since. He's already doing it and he tells me when he's ready with his developmental steps.
Every child has their own pace. We just have to trust in our children.
No more constant comparisons with other children!
We compare our children too much with others and sometimes forget that our children are individuals and that each child has its own pace. Our children are not standing in a Competition to each other! One child can speak whole sentences at the age of three, the other only two-word sentences. One child walks at 12 months, the other at one and a half years. One child stays alone in children's gymnastics at the age of three, the other only at the age of five. One child says thank you to the baker at the age of three, the other does not dare until he is six. One child sleeps in their own bed at the age of two, the other only at seven. One child can climb the climbing frame alone at the age of five, the other child only at eight. One is dry at two years of age, the other only at three or four. So what? It has been proven that excessive potty training is of no use. So we just stress ourselves less - that's good for us and especially for our children!
And everything is good. Everything is correct. Because every child is different!
You probably know the saying "The grass does not grow faster if you pull on it"? Proverbs are sometimes trite. But they are often also true. Like this one. Because we don't have to pull on our children. We don't have to pull on them until they are how we like it, how we would like, because the child in the neighborhood is already and at all. No. We should give our children the time they need. Your own pace. And trust in them, trust in their abilities. And stop making constant comparisons! Our child is our child. And an individual, not comparable, not pressable in statistics. It is as wonderful as it is.
(And if there are really serious developmental delays (but I don't mean these with my text - of course there are delays that require treatment and support! I don't want to deny that!), Then you will notice - and good pediatricians will show you the U-examinations They also tell you what needs to be done and whether something needs to be done. Our pediatrician is pleasantly waiting and often says "it will take care of itself" - which he is mostly right about. But of course I want this one Do not judge the text of someone who sends their child to speech therapy for legitimate reasons and is concerned for legitimate reasons, you understand what I mean, right?)
But how often have we parents found out in retrospect that our worries were in vain? That the long-awaited step in our child's development came all of a sudden without our intervention? Let's just trust more in the abilities of our children again - and above all: let's give our children the time to really be children without cluttering their afternoons with all kinds of remedial courses.
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